Valor, Aries

[Aries Valor]

Full Name: Aries Valor
Age: 17
Bloodline: Pure-Blood
Gender: Male
Species: Metamorphmagus

APPEARANCE
Stature: (Height&Build) 5'9''; slim
Hair: long; black with red tips
Eyes: red
Unique Features: scar on cheek from dad's knife; mask covering mouth and nose
Attire: (clothing) black boots, black ripped jeans, black top coat, one light gauntlet(used to see in the dark or a flare)
Model: Marilyn Manson(not in the FREAKY way)

PERSONALITY
Allegiance: Good Guys
Flaw/Weakness: guys with pointy shoes and heads and people who act or look like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
Likes: Ravens, art, poetry, writing
Dislikes: WORMS(>_<), bugs, death eaters and demons
Dream: wants to work for the Order
General Personality: very friendly and always there to help people; he laughs alot at the funniest things; if he is in GOTHIC MODE, NEVER BOTHER HIM!! Has fun with his friends and is usually walks with a large crowd of people.

EDUCATION
Year of Studies: 7
House: Elsa
Ordinary Wizarding Levels: Average
Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test:
Favorite Subject: Divination
Least Like Subject: Potions

Skills&Abilities
Magical Abilities: change eye color and hair
Acquired Magical Abilities:
Non-Magical Skills:

HISTORY
Birthdate: 3/22/90
Family: mom, step-dad, older sister, dad(unknown)
Born Location: Johnstown, PA then moved to London, England
History/Background: He is the grandson of Linda Lou Haas and Stephen Toki. His mom and dad met during their 7th year. They went broom riding at midnight and had 4 classes together. His mom has brown hair with blond stripes, green-brown eyes, skinny, petite, and light skin. His dad has black hair, dark skin, and tall. When he was little, his mom and dad fought ALOT and his mom divorced his dad and they moved to London. That is where she met his step dad. He got his first letter to Hogwarts and she then took him shopping for his supplies. 6 years later and he is a pretty decent wizard. He keeps in touch with his sister who moved to Wales. His mom and step-dad are married and happy with each other.

OTHER
Wand: Dark Willow with Unicorn's Mane
Other:

[Ann Xiang]

First and foremost, cut down on his special abilities, for the love of... of crabcakes. I count at least four. Two is plenty. Metamorphmagus I can accept. However.

1) Multi-Animagus. If you insist on being an Animagus, you can only transform into one animal. (No wolves, we have plenty already.)
2) Fire/ice breathing. He's not a dragon, for goodness' sake. (And besides, HP dragons cannot breathe ice. Nor can Temeraire dragons, but I digress.)
3) 4-mile radius shield. Need I point out how ridiculous this is? This'll make him just about invulnerable. And from four miles away, too.

As for his sword-fighting skills - where did he learn them?

I'd like more on his personality. Well-rounded characters are encouraged; right now, his character is just really, really flat.

What about his House, and his OWLs?

You really need to revise your history section. We don't need a description of his parents - if you still wish to include that in your app, put that in the 'Family' section. What we're looking for in 'History' is your character's background. Why is he in Spain? And why would Aries' mother be unaware of his magical ability even though he's a Pureblood? Most importantly, the history must be in third person.

(By the way, students receive their Hogwarts letters at the age of eleven.)

Overall, your descriptions need to be clearer. I got confused reading your app, especially in 'History.'

...And wait, if he's male, why would his model be Winona Ryder...?


But yeah. REVISE. :O

[Aleksei Trevelyan]

Personality still needs work, and complete sentences for the History would be wonderful.

Getting there!