Jack Garner
Gone
[M:0:0:0:]
One death is a tragedy a million deaths is a statistic- Stalin
Posts: 184
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Intro
Jun 12, 2007 16:10:59 GMT -5
Post by Jack Garner on Jun 12, 2007 16:10:59 GMT -5
this is the intro to another book of mine, gbet ready to crtisize my grammar
They said the A.I would be a mechanical robot but it wasn’t and it would never be because it was impossible to program all of the things a human could possibly do but as man has always done he found a way around that and created an ai out of organic matter, a grown human. In a time where 50% of man was created in a vat things get a little chaotic when you gave the world powers the ability to create nearly prefect soldiers. The K.I. unit or the killing instinct unit was grown in different ways depending on what they were needed for. however all of the K.I.'s all go missing before they turn sixteen, follow the best K.I. unit ever to exist on his Quest to find out why they all go missing on his relentless quest to stay alive with a suicidal man called Gensing.
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Selena Tiber
Hedwig
5th year
Arden Micoff Farnsworth Hedwig
5th year[M:0:0:0:]
THANKS LLUVIA! MUCH LOVE AND ALL THAT JAZZ...and also....FIRE!
Posts: 1,454
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Intro
Jun 12, 2007 16:19:41 GMT -5
Post by Selena Tiber on Jun 12, 2007 16:19:41 GMT -5
YAY CORRECTIONS! ....Okay, first of all, your first sntence is a run on. That=BAD. If you intend to use A.I. as an abbreviation, then capitalize it the whole time. This is a book. Not ammature hour at the post office. And 'gave' should be 'give'. Keep your tenses. And the way you're using it, world powers should be capitalized. Quest should NOT be. On that note, remember to start all sentences with caps.
But it's a good topic. how long do you intend for it to
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Jack Garner
Gone
[M:0:0:0:]
One death is a tragedy a million deaths is a statistic- Stalin
Posts: 184
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Intro
Jun 12, 2007 16:32:58 GMT -5
Post by Jack Garner on Jun 12, 2007 16:32:58 GMT -5
yeah all of my chars are from this book though many with personality diffrences.
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Selena Tiber
Hedwig
5th year
Arden Micoff Farnsworth Hedwig
5th year[M:0:0:0:]
THANKS LLUVIA! MUCH LOVE AND ALL THAT JAZZ...and also....FIRE!
Posts: 1,454
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Intro
Jun 12, 2007 17:51:07 GMT -5
Post by Selena Tiber on Jun 12, 2007 17:51:07 GMT -5
hmm...that's cool. even siberius? how many pages it it?
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Jack Garner
Gone
[M:0:0:0:]
One death is a tragedy a million deaths is a statistic- Stalin
Posts: 184
|
Intro
Jun 13, 2007 11:33:26 GMT -5
Post by Jack Garner on Jun 13, 2007 11:33:26 GMT -5
so far its 43 but im counting on about 400, and siberius is an assasain from the cultivation sent to kill Gensing and the K.I.
And Nvogood on here is more like the K.I. in the book, but I couldn't name a char K.I.
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